left on the doorstep like a milk bottle
by slytherinsal
Summary: remembering that the milkman gets to the doorstep at about 4 am, is any decent man going to just leave a baby on a doorstep? Another reason why wizards might do better to study muggles more closely rather than just despising them.


_The phrase being left on the doorstep like a milk bottle is one often used in fanon with regards to Harry Potter's arrival at no. 4 Privet Drive, but there's a logical inconsistency in the idea of leaving him on the doorstep at all, because the Dursleys are not going to be the first people to be aware of his arrival ..._

 **On the doorstep like a milk bottle**

Dick Tremayne did not whistle on the early part of his round because few people in suburbia appreciated being woken up at four in the morning by his choice of music. Dick was a talented siffleur who entertained in the local pub with his renditions of 'Flight of the Bumblebee' at the hightbrow end and 'John Barleycorn' to accompany the local folk singer at the lowbrow end. His morning whistling tended towards a mix of Bruce Springsteen, Queen, and Abba and he was careful not to succumb to temptation until there was an air of unwilling rising in the street in which he found himself.

Thus, Dick walked quietly up the path of Number 4, Privet Drive, as he did every morning. It looked as though someone had left a parcel on the doorstep, and probably safe to do so in this neighbourhood.

The parcel waved an arm and said, hopefully,

"Dada?"

"Bloody hell," said Dick.

Dick had a walkie-talkie in his cab to contact base in case of problems, which could range from a flat battery on his electric milk cart to being attacked on his way back to the office on the day people settled up the weekly bill with him.

Shortly thereafter a silent police car glided into Privet Drive, with a sleepy policewoman on board to take control of the baby while the odd –looking letter with him was bagged for the forensics department. The Dursley family would be interviewed at a more reasonable time of day as there was no reason to suppose that this was their child. Dick had seen young Dudley when Mrs. Dursley paid him and quickly exonerated the Dursleys of putting out their child like some people put out cats.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

It may be said that the Dursleys denied any knowledge of the baby; and Mrs. Dursley admitted that she believed her sister might have a child about the same age as her own son, but they had not spoken for months, and had been somewhat estranged for years. She knew nothing of any contact details of her sister's husband or his family and had no wish to know. Plainly the Dursleys would not be willing to foster the baby even if they were related. Not having read the letter, they had not been subject to any compulsion.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

The forensic experts concluded that the person who had written such an extraordinary letter was seriously mentally disturbed and a APB to apprehend one Albus Percival Brian Wulfric Dumbledore for mental evaluation was posted. Fingerprints were taken.

"The person holding the basket must have been a ruddy giant," said a fingerprint expert.

"Or someone with acromegally," said his colleague.

The description of someone either outsize or with overly large hands was added to the APB along with the male assumed to be APBW Dumbledore and an unknown person of smaller size, probably female. No Dumbledore could be found in any records so it might be assumed to be an alias. None of those people who left fingerprints were in the record at all.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Harry James Potter at least had a name, and a search revealed a birth certificate, since Lily had registered her son in the muggle world as well. She had registered a muggle marriage certificate also. Tracing other Potter relatives proved elusive, but Lily Evans had a distant cousin. And Megan Ball, born Evans, had a daughter, Emma, who had a daughter some nine months older than Harry, and had been trying unsuccessfully for another child.

Harry James Potter Granger settled in happily with his rather bossy big sister, and her accidental magic, which didn't like dreams of the old man with a beard, managed to remove the trace on him. The Grangers soon realised that there was something wrong with the scar on their new son's head, and scheduled surgery to remove whatever was causing it to fail to heal. There was a brief problem in the surgery as Harry fought both anaesthetic and possession, and his heart stopped briefly, which drove out the horcrux as the nursing team worked to revive him.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

It never occurred to Albus Dumbledore that Petunia Dursley would fail to take in her nephew; he had crafted the compulsion embedded in the letter himself and aimed it at her magical signature, which might have been too weak to attend Hogwarts, but was, nonetheless tangible. Therefore Harry was ensconced with his adoptive parents and the trace removed before he realised that none of his magical monitors were working. He went at once to Privet Drive, where he was politely but firmly arrested by officers watching in case the dangerous lunatic tried to contact the Dursleys again. Naturally he was able to obliviate most people and escape, but it was a distinct setback.

As Harry was considered to be at some risk from the lunatics who had left him on the doorstep overnight in winter, the details of his adoption were thoroughly buried, as if he was in a witness protection program, and Albus Dumbledore did not know enough about Muggles to sift through the byzantine paper trail in any case. He might have used legilimensy had he not accidentally obliviated the knowledge of any lead from the officers who had arrested him, a piece of carelessness which led to his description being appended with the knowledge that he was a skilled hypnotist, since he did not manage to obliviate every officer who had seen him, nor did he get rid of the computer entries or the video footage from the camera car of his approach to number 4 Privet Drive. He only managed to seriously irritate the officers who needed therapy as the result of his contemptuous and unsubtle obliviation.

And muggle therapists are actually quite good about helping people regain memories.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

When Minerva McGonagall came to issue the two muggleborn students with their Hogwarts letters,failing to recognise the neat boy without a scar or glasses as Harry Potter, the Grangers found her sufficiently creepy to investigate the wizarding world thoroughly for themselves, and having spent most holidays in France, they promptly moved to the south of France and sent their two children to Beauxbatons.

 **Finis**


End file.
